Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
