Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I pour the whiskey from now on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
