and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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