I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize