My room smells like vodka and shame
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
two words...techno handjob
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
