yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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