how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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