I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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