Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All the doctor said was why
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
