is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you had me at cake vodka
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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