kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
