did you get engaged???
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
