Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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