So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize