on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
