is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
