I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
