you told grandpa to call you daddy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
