remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
