I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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