Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
