I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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