did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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