Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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