oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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