I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize