woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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