i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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