Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
