Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
