my phone cant type all the emotion im having
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
