Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
