My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
