so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just invented taco cereal.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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