I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
