Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
