So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As shirtless as possible
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
