I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize