everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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