Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize