8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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