He kissed a someone with a penis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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