Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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