shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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