"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
