he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
