Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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