Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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