She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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