anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
