Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
