This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
