Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
