Can Purell be used as lube?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
