We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
