I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
