sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
