I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
