Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
