Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
