WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize