sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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