i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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