we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
