So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
