and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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