break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize