The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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