I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
