I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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