I wish my penis had an off switch
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
