I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
