he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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