This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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