I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
