apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
